I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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