I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
