You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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