Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
