Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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