you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
