Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
