Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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