Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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