I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
