Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
