He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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