i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
