this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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