did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Randomize
