we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
