Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
