i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
