doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
