She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
