i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it hurts more in the daytime
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
