I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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