Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
