Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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