my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
