do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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