my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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