So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
