Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
