Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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