Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
