carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
