...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
