You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
