Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
