Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
