I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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