i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
