I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
