Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
