why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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