It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
