She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
