There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
