The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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