You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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