Sry I called you an 8
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
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I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
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I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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