you have to choose: penises or morals?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
When are your genitals available?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
