Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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