Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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