it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize