Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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