Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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