Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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