im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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