There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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