its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
