Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
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her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
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Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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