How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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