I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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