i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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