Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
