Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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