she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
