I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i wish my penis had a tongue
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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