i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
