I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
