One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
