Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
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Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
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according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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