it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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