ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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